South African Husbands sleeping with domestic helpers!

By Zenoyise Madikwa |

Frustrated men help themselves! 

Cheating is common when opportunity knocks

HELPERS, bless them, cook, clean and wash for us. They know some of our deepest secrets, and even know what the hubby's boxers look like. Without them,
some families would be in chaos.

Nomvume Maphanga, a marriage counsellor, says domestic workers are becoming so 

powerful that many marriages and relationships are threatened.

She says cases of men sleeping with their helpers are on the rise, and one in five cases of 

infidelity she dealt with in the past year has involved a helper.

She says these women are often younger, stylish, enlightened, single and struggling with

 financial issues, and many of the men they sleep with are doing well financially. With

 money and power comes a sense of entitlement.

She adds that men like to use their masculinity to advance their power by picking on weaker 

people such as maids and young girls.

"These days the helpers - unlike the old mamas who used to do domestic work in berets, 

overalls and uniforms - are younger, wear stylish clothes, are sexier, more educated and

 because of their age they are very vulnerable and available to their male bosses," 

said Maphanga.

She says this is made worse by television and other media that sexualises women in 

subservient and submissive positions.

She said by nature power is attractive and maids are at risk because they may also be 

attracted to the allure of male power.

"The power dynamic works both ways because maids are also privy to the private lives 

of those who pay them. Maids get to see their secrets. So, in a way, the bosses are 

beholden to the maid. She has power over them."

Another thing that makes domestic workers attractive is that the excitement of the forbidden 

fruit can be erotic and edgy.

What is happening? Are our men threatened by empowered women?

Not at all, says Zuko Mathyila, a male activist based in Cape Town. Mathyila said the

 biggest reason men are playing hanky panky with the maid is emotional dissatisfaction.

He says studies by marriage counsellor Gary Neuman show that 48% of men rated

 emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheat. Read on...